I Want You to Want Me
by Mstrsofpmbrly
Summary: A rainy drive and a serendipitous music choice leads to a new development in Casey and Derek's non-relationship relationship.


**AN: I don't own anything! Not the show, not the music. **

**This is my first Dasey fic, my first LwD fic. I hope you like it. I'm still unsure about the fractured style and the dialogue, so if you have suggestions for improvement, I'm open to them. Enjoy!**

She always thought it would take something earth-shattering to get this secret out of her. A car crash, a meteor hurtling towards Earth, six shots of tequila, you know, the things that change your whole perspective on life and love and what you really care about. I mean, this was no ordinary secret. This was a Secret with a capitol S, clutch it to your chest and never tell anyone secret; this was a never write it down and take it to your grave because _ohmygod no one would ever understand_ kind of a secret.

And if someone understood? Sometimes she thought that might even be worse. Because what if they said it was _okay_? What if they said that he felt the same way? Then she'd have to _do_ something about it. And when she was being honest with herself, Casey wasn't quite sure she was ready for the world-changing upheaval that would follow a confession like that. Even if he said yes. Hell, _especially_, if he said yes. Casey sighed over the crazy -can't- live- without- you love stories in romance novels and she joined Emily in crying over the tragic, intense loves in _Shakespeare in Love_ and _The Notebook_ but when it came right down to it, Casey wasn't sure she could handle the white hot explosion that would be Casey and Derek. The fighting was intense now, but she just knew that any sort of romantic interaction with her step-brother would be a tumbled, tangled, so –wonderful- it- was- painful, upside down, inside out, laughing, crying amazing, terrible life-changing mindfuck. And Casey wasn't quite sure she was ready to lose her mind.

Which was why she was so shocked when her secret, her terrible wonderful secret, just came flying out of her mouth one day, out of the blue. Casey didn't do out of the blue. Casey did plans. Plans with charts and lists and labels. Casey Macdonald did not just turn around one day and say "Oh, hey, Derek, I've been in love with your for, like, ever." Except, apparently….she did.

Derek wasn't sure who was more shocked, him or Casey. It was all so unexpected. One minute he was changing the CD in the player and the next, the floor had dropped out of the world and he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't anything. He just froze, staring at her, as she stared back, eyes wide, mouth open. Before he could react, she was bent over, hiding behind her hair, banging her head on the steering wheel over and over. 'Oh god, oh god, Oh my god, that didn't happen."

"Casey…"

"I didn't say that. I didn't. Oh god, oh god, oh my god. This can't be happening."

"Casey…"

She didn't acknowledge that she could hear him.

"Casey! The light's green!"

That got a reaction. Without looking at him, Casey slowly drove the car across the intersection and pulled into a parking spot along the curb. She sat staring straight ahead, the rain casting a bluish pallor on her face. Derek wasn't sure how to start, wasn't sure what she wanted from him. Hell, if Casey hadn't been half catatonic, he'd think he'd imagined the whole thing.

They were driving home and some sappy love song was playing on the radio and as it ended, a husky –voiced singer begins a wailing lament that he knows leads to a new Top 40 hit that Casey hates (and why does he know this?) Casey hasn't noticed yet, but he knows that when she does she'll start in again about why she hates this song and why not all women define themselves by the men in their lives (Oh _yeah_, that's why he knows this.) Derek reaches down and sorts through the CDs loose on the floor mat.

"Derek! I'm the driver. I get to choose the music!"

"Yeah, but you hate this song."

She cocks her head, listening for a moment, and he's amused as he can see the comprehension and the frustration spread across her face. She wants so badly to keep her music on, to yell at him, to win this newest round in their endless boxing match, but she can't. She settles for a weak "Agh! You're insufferable!"

"Yeah, but that's why you love me," he'd said cockily. She smiled, "Yeah, I guess so." They both froze. That wasn't the script, wasn't the routine they'd practiced and perfected over the years. Casey was supposed to wrinkle her nose and say "Eew…as I if I could ever love you!" It was required! It was part of the carefully constructed ritual that kept the two of them from ever _really_ interacting, from having to actually talk to each other.

Derek quickly prepared to smooth past it and pretend it had never happened. It wasn't like they hadn't broken script before. He'd just have to do something to annoy her, genuinely piss her off, and she'd get distracted from the awkward and go back to hissing and spitting at him. It wasn't a problem.

Or else, it wouldn't have been, but Casey, being Casey, being painfully honest even when it killed her, couldn't leave well enough alone. "I mean, I don't… that is to say… I mean, you aren't, you know, like _Edwin_ or anything. It's just… I mean…"

Able to see the train wreck coming and unable to stop it, Derek just stared, eyes wide, praying, begging anyone who would listen to just make it stop. Just make the awkwardness stop.

Because even though he had dreamed of this moment, _Dreamed_ that somehow, magically, she would call him on his bluff and let him release his secret. Even though he _longed_ to be with her, to be free with her, to break out of the carefully choreographed dance where they were both trapped at arms length, he could tell that this actually was, in a weird way, killing her. He could tell that she didn't know what to say, that she was panicking and freaking out; he knew that if she could have found a dignified way to ditch the running car at the stop light and end the conversation, she would have.

He wracked his brain for something to say, for someway to interrupt her, but he couldn't think of anything to say, because even though he couldn't bear it, he needed to hear this, needed her to tell him, needed her to give him permission to tell her. But before she crosses the line, before she says anything that can't be unsaid, Casey stops rambling, turns bright red and begin banging her head on the steering wheel, having what seems like a full on nervous breakdown right in front of him.

And that's how it had begun. Now, the two of them sat in silence; the only sounds were the drumming of the rain on the roof and the tinny sounds Cheap Trick coming from the ancient stereo.

"Case, am I allowed to talk now?"

"No. No. Definitely not! No. We don't need to talk about this. This never happened. Can't talk about it if it never happened."

Derek reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. When she still wouldn't look at him, he reached over, turned her chin so she was facing him. Startled at his gentleness, she looked up, briefly, before looking away; her eyes refusing to met his. Very gently, very slowly, he said to her,

"Case, you're spazzing. Cut it out."

She jerked back, furious, ready to spit nails and Derek's ready to leave it there- in the familiar, in the safe, but she's not just mad, she's hurt and oh, the hell with it! He chuckles deep in his throat as he leans in to whisper "You aren't like Edwin to me either" and then he pulls back and he doesn't know if she kissed him or he kissed her, but they're kissing and it's wonderful and he feels like he can _breathe_, finally. And he knows Casey feels the same way because he can _feel _her relax into him.

Casey smiles against his lips because all of a sudden she realizes that even if they do become Derek&Casey

a tempestuous, torturous, amazing, disaster of a couple, he's still Derek and she's still Casey and they

know how to do this. It involves a lot of stratagem and a lot of yelling, but it's _them_ and it works and all of

a sudden she knows _they can do this. _And that's all she ever needed.

Except God, did this mean their song was going to be by Cheap Trick? Because she's not sure she can handle that.


End file.
